Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor. You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program. It’s important to have a plan in place before we reach out. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally.
- All employers covered by the ordinance must give employees at least one hour of paid time off for every 20 hours worked, up to a maximum of 12 paid days off annually.
- Or, they may gain greater insights about addiction and commit to being a more supportive person in your recovery.
- To help, we’ve compiled a list of examples of making amends in recovery that deal with ambiguous scenarios.
Support for Me and My Family
- Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf.
- When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze.
- It would be nice if the above outcomes were universal—but they aren’t (of course).
- For example, some people may require medically supervised detox as a first step, followed by residential alcohol treatment.
- We will meet you wherever you are on your journey and determine the best treatment plan for you from our full continuum of care.
After acknowledging how actions tied to their addictions had a negative impact on people in their lives, those in 12-step recovery programs commit to making direct amends whenever possible. For example, if you neglected or mistreated your children while you were using alcohol, a simple apology may not repair the damage. Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time.
How Taking Responsibility Improves Recovery
We do not and have never accepted fees for referring someone to a particular center. Providers who advertise with us must be verified by our Research Team and we clearly mark their status as advertisers. It’s hard to find the right response to someone making amends. You likely have a lot of emotions surrounding the situation. That’s normal, and you don’t have to respond right away. It takes time and courage to listen with an open heart.
Evidence-Based Addiction Treatments and Step 9 AA
We can also make amends by living very purposefully within the bounds of our principles. When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward. You might go to that person and take responsibility for what you have done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them. You may couple that making of amends with a request for forgiveness. I am not saying things like that are easy, they’re not. We can go to them directly and work through it (or at least try).
Each step signifies a new challenge to reflect and/or act in a way that changes old mindsets and behaviors that once fed addiction. Through mutual support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, members learn and practice these spiritual steps and principles, with a view to staying sober and helping others do the same. In some cases, you may have to make indirect amends if a relationship proves to be beyond repair or if seeing you again would cause the person further distress. Though that could be hard to accept, that doesn’t take away from the process of actively working to improve your character. Ultimately, the goal of making amends is to achieve more personal responsibility – not necessarily total forgiveness.
It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way. It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship. These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises.
Recovery Advocacy
We believe that the only path to forgiveness is asking it of the person we love, the person we believe we hurt, and making amends for what we did wrong. That might not be so tricky if the person were still alive. You’re left with a mountain of guilt and no one to apologize to, no one from whom you living amends can ask forgiveness or make amends. When you make a real effort to change your past behaviors, you need to make the initial move in repairing broken relationships. These steps mean taking ownership of the past, apologizing for wherever you made mistakes and moving forward from those missteps.
- I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on.
- Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends.
- It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship.
- We will honor the emotional consequences that stem from our behaviors, and seek to become healthier so as not to repeat them.
Living amends, in this event, can include making changes to the behaviors contributing to the falling out between the survivor and the person they owed an apology to. For example, let’s say a mother didn’t make an effort to escort her children to the school bus stop. One of her children is killed crossing the street on their own even after telling their mother that they were afraid to cross the busy street alone. A living amend might include a posthumous promise to the deceased child to, from now on, make it a point to walk their surviving siblings to the bus stop each day.